Solution or Problem

In wake of yet another horrible mass shooting I ask myself “Am I part of the problem or the solution?”

I’ve been glued to the news channel listening to debates on gun control, terrorist vs work place violance, everyone’s thoughts and opinions trying to answer the question why? Why again?

It feels like we are missing the root of the problem. Yes…I believe we should  have stricter gun control and better mental health care, that our politcians need to unite for the greater good but what is the real problem? Humans? Our thinking? Our action and reaction? Is the life I’m living reflecting solution? Or does it reflect walking a narrow line not looking to my right or to my left praying none of the mess falls into my path. If it does then I’ll have to face that I may be more of the problem.

I’m not 100 percent sure how to live the solution. I think what I heard today by a man  ….coming together breaking bread showing that we all stand for humanity, is something that I like. Also I think I keep reverting back to what I recently started saying to myself as a form of meditation . “As you breathe in cherish yourself , as you breathe out cherish the world” by the Dali. I know it can’t be that simply but isn’t it really. If our thoughts, words and actions were done as easily as breathing in and out remembering to cherish ourselves and cherish everything else would our thoughts words and actions be different?










WTF is this?

47 and weight loss feels a little saggy!! So I’ve decided to claim December as LETS DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS #&%*!!!! For one month I’m going to do the exercises that claim to help with this. Yikes….fingers crossed. I will post later my plan of attack. (lol yes I do know there are only improvements….but that’s what I’m going for!!!)

Brick Wall

20150904_065249I hide behind disconnecting from the people that I love and connect to people I don’t know. There is pure beauty in the second but it doesn’t really cover the sadness in the first. I would like to start taking down the bricks that I have built up around me to try to keep me safe. Safe from love. It’s uncomfortable to be loved or to love when you don’t love or respect yourself. Today I am grateful that one brick came down by facing something I’ve been avoiding. Me.


fear……was whispered  so faint that it was almost as if no sound was coming from her mouth when asked, why did she wait so long. With that one word  spoken was a flood of tears. Nothing said but a wave of assumed. Was the cancer back?….I can’t go through this again….Will I make it this time?…I’m not ready….to die. What could I say to her? I held her hand for a few moments till the tears slowed. We finished her test. I hugged her, told her I loved her and that she was going to be able to handle what was given to her and to never let fear try to stop her from living again. She promised, hugged me back and told me she loved me too.

Some days and some patients I am grateful for. Today held one of those very special people. In her few moments of weakness I saw incredible strength.


The crow came to visit.

The first day he watched me from the tree.I turned away.I knew he came with a message I was not prepared to hear.


The second day he was there again to greet me with a stare.I told him whatever you have to tell me I fear.So go away , don’t come near.


On the third day he waited for me patiently. As I passed by him I quietly said I’ll take what you’re here to give but please make it quick I simply can not bare.

He said I’m not here to give but to take what has passed.

I reached out to snatch back what was mine but it was to late he had already taken to path.

As I watched the crow fly away I knew everything would be ok. I whispered goodbye…..knowing in time I would thank him for what was no longer mine.



Healthy Eats

I have been trying to inch myself closer to clean eating. Lol except for the two candy bars today..arrgggg. That’s a whole other issue I have. Anyhow I’ve been trying to find way to eat clean and vegetarian without getting bored. So the last few days I have ended up making a few yummy soups from produce I already had. Today’s soup

Sweet potato carrot ginger soup! Loved it!!

1 cup baby carrots

1/3 box vegetable broth

1/2 celery stalk ( removed after simmering)



Ginger powder about a tablespoon

Dash of cinnamon

Simmer till carrots are soft. May need to add a little water.


Bake sweet potatoes

1/2 cup chopped walnuts


Add to mixture.


Puree. Adding water, milk or heavy cream till it’s a nice consistency and serve.


I liked it better than the butternut squash soup.20151005_174233